Monday 1 March 2010

You've never been in his shoes...

Because of an illness, my brother's right leg is abnormal and bigger than his left leg.

Recently he was warded (unrelated to the leg). One friend came to visit him. He left my brother a remark, "apa nak malu, orang Afghanistan tu lagi ramai yang kudung, takde kaki, takde tangan" (what to be ashamed of, many of the Afghans have no arms or legs).

To this friend, whatever reason you have to offer your words of 'wisdom', next time please keep it to yourself. I hope you were not implying that the suffering of having no leg is worse than having an abnormal leg. You have no idea what it is like.

My brother was a sprinter and a rugby player. When the illness hit him and he lost the normality of his right leg, he couldn't run anymore. He can not simply buy any pants or shoes that he likes. These have to be specially tailored (at very high prices). His right leg often gives him cramps at night. He was even stopped by supermarket security once because they thought he was hiding stolen goods in his trousers.

People often treat him like a friend, or a brother. Many treat him like their own son. If you can't be any, at least treat him with respect. Save the comments to yourself.

To the readers, you can read this particular entry by Raden Galoh, who is currently fighting metastatic breast cancer bravely. It is about what to say and what not to say to people who are chosen to be tested with illnesses. You don't need to say "bersabar, ini dugaan Allah, ini kifarah dosa, kita mesti bersyukur sekurang2nya ada masa nak bertaubat etc" because they are well aware of that. Imagine if everybody who comes say that! How many times one needs to hear it? Instead, just say--do you need a ride to the clinic? or do you need a babysitter for the kids? or do you need an extra blanket?

Just save your judgement. You've never been in his shoes.

6 comments:

Unknown said...

owh..kesiannye die...sape adek awak tu doc..?? boleh berkenalan...??? hehe...

Wanma Cun said...

die cakap senang le...kalo kene kat die ntah2 die terus biol...statement tu bkn dari hati yg ikhlas...

m-i-o said...

hmmm. org yg sudah biasa boleh melihat, tiba2 kehilangan nikmat memandang memang terasa benar berbanding dengan org yg sejak lahir tidak dapat melihat.

sy selalu terfikir, klo tiba2 takde mata - apa nk buat, ya? sgt takut!

sy setuju dengan doc - jgn komen apa2. sebaliknya kita tawarkan pertolongan mana2 yg kita termampu. mak sy juga selalu pesan begitu. diam aje, toksah cakap pape.

tp ya, kadang2 sy pun ada sebut,

"sabar ya"

bukan sebab pesakit itu tak bersabar. tp sebab sy taktau apa lagi nak cakap. atau mungkin sebab sy ingatkan diri sy sendiri.

anon suria said...

Hasma...sepanjang su jumpa adik hasma 2-3 kali, su tak nampak pun beza ngan orang lain. Bila Hasma tulis entry ni..baru Su agak jelas masalah yang dihadapi oleh karim.

Orang yang cakap tu...mungkin dia belum diuji oleh Allah.(kami juga pernah melalui situasi ini masa Saari sakit dulu).

Ingatlah..beruntung orang yang diuji kerana dia terpilih sebagai hamba Allah yang disayangi. Lagi banyak ujian..lagi banyak dipermudahkan laluan untuk ke pintu Syurga.

Semoga adik hasma & hasma n family dipermudah segala urusan . Amin.

Mamaboyz said...

Karim- takyahla berkenalan dgn dia, dia biasa2 je bukannya ensem pun hehehe

mio-apa kaitan dgn mata ni saya tak paham hahaha..bacalah link saya bagi tu, ada bbrp cdgn dari raden galoh, next time tau nak buat apa

nasihat utk org yg bertanya, org yg buat salah atau yg degil sahaja, bukan utk org sakit

Su- terima kasih!

m-i-o said...

oh, sebab sy rasa bila pejam mata terasa gelap. jadi sgt takutlah! a'ah, mmg takde kena-mengena tapi sy cuma bg contoh. nak bagi contoh kaki, sy takut tersalah cakap pula. hehe :P

sy dh pegi link tu. ok, skarang sy dah tau apa nak cakap :P