Tentang Niat

Beberapa hari lepas saya terpandang sekeping gambar di Facebook yang agak membuat perasaan saya entah gembira atau sedih. Yang sebetulnya saya berasa dengki. Seorang kawan sekelas saya ketika di fakulti peubatan UKM bergambar ketika hari konvokesyennya. Ia konvokesyen untuk ijazah sarjana. Ini bermakna dia seorang pakar sekarang. Pakar sebelum umur 30? Hebat kan? Itu sebabnya saya dengki dengan dia. Tetapi sebenarnya dalam banyak2 orang memang dia lah yang paling layak menerima darjat itu. Dia seorang Muslimah yang sangat merendah diri. Dia sangat pandai. Ketika peperiksaan akhir yang menentukan sama ada kami akan ditauliahkan sebagai doktor atau tidak ramai orang yang cukup2 makan saja lulusnya. Tetapi dia, dia lulus cemerlang malah dipanggil untuk 'distinction viva' iaitu temubual oleh pensyarah2 kami dan juga pensyarah2 luar untuk memastikan sama ada pangkat A yang diperolehinya wajar diberi A+ atau tidak. Saya lupa sama ada dia berjaya di peringkat itu atau tidak. Tetapi sebaik sahaja kami tamat housemanship dia telah dipanggil semula oleh UKM untuk dilatih menjadi pensyarah dalam bidang perubatan dalaman (internal medicine). Dan minggu lepas dia telah berjaya menggenggam ijazah sarjananya. Sebelum umur 30 tahun (sarjana perubatan mengambil masa 4 tahun, bukan setahun seperti bidang2 lain). Dan dia juga seorang isteri dan ibu. Bukan seorang diri yang mempunyai semua masa untuk diri sendiri.

Walaupun dia sangat pandai, kalau bercakap biasa dengan dia tentu kita tak terasa 'inferior' dengan dia. Dia hanya menunjuk pandai jika kita bertanya soalan berkaitan pelajaran atau pun semasa peperiksaan. Gambar konvo itu pun bukan dia yang letak. Itu hanya gambar yang di-tag oleh rakan sarjananya. Di statusnya pun tiada kata2 " Aku pass!" atau sebagainya.

Saya menegurnya dan berkata tahniah dan saya dengki padanya. Jawapannya? Terima kasih, nanti turn kau pulak.

Saya terfikir, kenapa saya dengki padanya. Memangla sebab dia lebih daripada saya kan. Tetapi kenapa saya nak jadi macam dia? Kenapa saya nak belajar dan menjadi pakar? Untuk gaji lebih? untuk status yang lebih tinggi? Supaya orang puji2 saya dan menjadikan saya rujukan?

Saya pun tak tahu (atau sebenarnya saya tahu?). Niat sambung belajar untuk menjadi lebih pakar memang banyak dibayangi unsur riak. Susahnya nak bersihkan niat itu. Saya tertanya adakah antara kita yang menyambung master atau phd semata2 kerana Allah? Kerana kita mahu Islam gilang gemilang. Kerana Rasulullah suruh kita menuntut ilmu hingga liang lahad?

Tentang niat ini sudah lama saya ingin kongsi satu tulisan kawan kami, Dr Wan Ahmad Hafiz. Dia dan isterinya (yang pernah berkongsi satu dorm dengan saya ketika tingkatan 1) telah belajar dan bekerja di Ireland selama 10 tahun. Kini mereka akan pulang ke Malaysia (for good). Ini sememangnya satu keputusan sukar kerana gaji doktor di Ireland mencecah RM 30 ribu sebulan. Peluang melanjut pelajaran juga agak senang berbanding di Malaysia. Untuk melakukan satu penghijrahan memang perlukan pengorbanan dan niat yang betul.

Ini tulisannya tentang niatnya untuk kembali ke Malaysia, yang saya ambil dengan izinnya.

Reasons to go home

When i told others of our plan to go home for good (Insya-Allah), I'll be greeted in any of these few ways:
- "That is so nice. Where is your country? Are you looking forward to that?" etc. Obviously this response usually comes from non-malaysian, who does not really know what is the situation back in malaysia.
- "Why would you want to go back to Malaysia? Didn't you hear all the crazy things that happens to doctors in Malaysia?"

I guess, i don't have any particular tendency or urge to dwell too much on the debate which one is better. I just get on with it, and once i made my decision, let us hope for the best, Insya-Allah. Money is not the ultimate objective for me to stay in ireland. Of course to certain extent, it would help to have an extra income. But there are other reasons. There are people who want to stay here for their children educations, others want to finish their training up to the consultant level and others probably for political reasons.

For whatever reasons that we have, let us make sure that the time we spend in one place would not go wasted from the world viewpoint and moreover the hereafter. The correct intentions are so vital that everyone of us should examine every so often, even for those already in Malaysia.

Intention

If i begin with good intention of the reason for coming home, what would it be? Can i force myself to have these intentions? A man came to the prophet and asked, "A man fights for war booty, another fights for fame and a third fights for showing off, which of them fight in Allah's cause?" The prophet replied, "He who fights that Allah's word (ie Islam) should be superior, fights in Allah's cause. (Sahih Bukhari, Muslim).

We learnt from this simple hadith that any intention to elevate islam to its proper level is the way to go. It could be in many different ways. Money could come into picture, but with the correct intention so that we can help other people in need.

Value system

Different communities has different value system. I agree that we might not be 'culturally' advance compare to people of Western world, but I feel at ease talking to our own people and especially with people of the same belief system. It might be that people who stays abroad wants to propogate the teaching of Islam, but for me, I have been here for 10 years, what did I do for Islam? In my opinion, Insya-Allah I might do better in Malaysia.

It would be nice to discuss about religion in open space. I remember reading a blog of my friend. She ts an anesthetist who put people to sleep. She asked a patient to say shahadah before doing so, and the patient died later. This story might be really simple to you, but it sticks with me until now. I would not have the oppurtunity to say those things, and I really want to say it to people:
- Makcik, kita cuba sedaya upaya untuk berubat, tapi jangan lupa selalu doa okay. Allah sentiasa menerima doa hambanya. kalau bukan dgn cara yg kita nak, mungkin dia elakkan kita drp bala yg lebih besar.
- Jangan lupa ajak/tolong dia sembahyang walaupun dalam keadaan macam ni pakcik. Boleh tolong ambik wudhu. Sebelum dia tidur, ajar dia mengucap selalu yer pakcik.
- Dialysis ni umumnya tak membatalkan puasa pakcik. Pakcik boleh cuba puasa kalau pakcik larat. kalau pakcik nak tanya apa apa lagi, boleh saya tolong - kalau saya tahu.
- Tak perlulah marah marah, kita sama sama buat kerja doktor ni. Kalau saya salah, boleh tunjukkan cara mana yang lebih elok. kalau marah marah, itu cuma buat saya sakit hati dan tak akan belajar apa apa bende baru pun.

And so many more....

Family

Looking back at my life history, I actually spent more time outside my home than inside. I left home when I was 13. and till now still am away.

My mother died when I was working in Ireland. i have already missed the whole good deeds that i can do to my mother. Remember the hadith of being dutiful to a mother 3x more than a father. This means that I have to be dutiful to my father a lot more now. Ibn 'Abbas said, "If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him." He was asked, "Even if they wrong him?" "Even if they wrong him" he replied. (Al-adab al-Mufrad). Ibn Abbas said that he did not know of any action better for bringing a person near to Allah than dutifulness to his mother.

What about the rest of our family members, old or new. I felt that it is part of my duty to 'practically' expand the already expanded family.I don't want to be known as an uncle whom they see only once a year. I want to be involve with them, teaching them something about this life that I have learnt. My kid will need to know who are her parents' family and friends. It is part of the sunnah to continue this tie of friendship with the friends of our parents.

O my brothers and sisters, Prophet has cursed the person whom while having their father and mother but still could not enter jannah, because they did not serve their parents well. And may Allah prevent us from the curse.

Things to change

But they are so many things that are not right yet in malaysia. Look at the salary or working condition for example. And how uneven the distribution of doctors. While in UM, we hear about extracorpuscular shockwave therapy for angina, something which i have to do a bit of reading as i haven't heard about it before - in other place we have doctors performing all sorts of procedure without proper supervision as there just not enough doctors there. Look at the attitude of people/doctors. the back bitting was so severe. That does not include the rape, baby dumping syndrome, the heat, balck magic etc.

Let us not forget, these things does not happen in Malaysia only. It happens here in Ireland as well. we hear almost every day people are bitching each other. In peripheral hospitals, the A&E system was so defective that other doctors make fun of them. Alcohol is everywhere and so difficult to go to restaurant where there is no alcohol on board. Islamic schools are scarce in number, and our teens are exposed to the danger of free sex, drugs and alcohol.

Most of us who is living abroad would like to go home one day. we can make a choice, whether we can be part of the team to build the health system to the level of our satisfaction, or we can join only when almost everything is in place. Of course there will never be a perfection in health system. While there are still plenty to do, I think i better get involve soon.

It is a bit like Naruto after few years training outside the village with Jiraiya. When the training finished, it is time to pass the knowledge to others. Not that I am saying I have sage power, but i do believe that I have the responsibility over other people in the village/country.

Other wordly things

Imagine shopping complex that close at 10pm, not at 6pm, with rows of shops and new gadgets in Low Yat, instead of Currys + PC World + Dixon. in which they are all from the same parent company. Warung that open till midnight, especially when you are tired after coming home from work and too lazy to cook, instead of delivery from Spice n Rice or Chiken Hut.

I have enough of Castles and Churches around Europe when I travel. I am longing to go Sabah & Sarawak with my family, or having a camping experience again like the good old days.

I want to attend formal religious education in the masjid, instead of listening to VCD of Dr Asri, or searching Youtube of Islamic lectures, or learning from books - which is not complete.

May Allah show us the proper way to a prosper hereafter, with whatever way we choose to live in this world. Ameen.

It is time to go home.
@Peace.

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Ini blog beliau, yang banyak isi tapi 'senyap sunyi'.

Ramadhan akan bermula. Setiap tahun ayah saya pesan apabila niat puasa niat untuk menyucikan diri sekali. Baru sekarang saya agak2 faham maksudnya (sebab ayah saya jenis diam yang tak berapa pandai nak huraikan maksud). Masa kecil hanya ikut-ikut saja. 

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak melihat kepada tubuh, rupa luaran dan harta kamu, tetapi melihat kepada hati dan amalan kamu" (Riwayat Muslim)

On a lighter note- hari itu Papaboyz berniat membelikan saya sesuatu, tapi ada masalah lain pula (kami kena beli kereta baru kerana kereta tua kami rosak!) jadi ia perlu dibatalkan (atau ada kemungkinan tangguh saja?). Papaboyz kata, takper.. yang penting niat ada dah dapat pahala :P